Now my monthly cycles bring more than just the usual discomfort. It also brings a hint of sadness. One more month without getting pregnant.
I am trying to figure out what to do. There is a pro-life doctor about an hour away from where I live. Many of the women in my church go to him and he comes highly recommended...but he does not take my insurance. I've been thinking about saving some money and making an appointment to see if there is anything wrong with me.
Tonight, since it marks the one year mark of trying to conceive, I looked up the patron saint of those striving for motherhood. I came across Saint Gerard Majella.
Naturally, women ask Saint Gerard to pray for them in hopes that they will conceive. As I was getting ready to say my first prayer to him, I paused.
I remembered what Christ said about vain repetitious prayer. It's one of those things that many Protestants hold against us, but only because they don't understand. Christ warned against repetitious prayer because it was a tactic the pagans used to conform a god's will towards their own. Instead, we need to turn our will to God's.
What if God does not intend for my hubby and I to have a child? Or what if it takes us 5 years to conceive? Instead of asking that Saint Gerard pray for me to get pregnant, I am going to ask that he prays that I submit myself wholly to God's Will for us.